double rainbow at sunset 5

I admit it.

I confess

yes, I do have a wall around me

I won’t lie that I did not know it

for I place it myself

I slowly built it.

I give away genuine love

pure,  no hypocrisy, no back-toughts

but I won’t let you in

not behind this wall.

Sometimes, every now and then

It falls down by itself

the breeze comes in

the wind twirls all around

but then it’s over.

Sadness is not my inspiration

but it does find its way in my brain

and then just like that

I’d notice the other side of things.

Every now and then

I realize this is not protection

but then I spent such a long time

building this wall

how would I ever cross over?

But I don’t want to.

I have no medium

there is no such thing as in between

It’s extreme high

or nothing at all

long days with extreme happiness

or ……………………. just nothing.

Should I feel sorry?

Should I feel mad?

Should I be angry?

It just happenned

one day I woke up

and I did not give a danm

It was just me and life

It was just black and white

it was swim or die

So I made a choice

I swam

I swam so hard

now I forget what’s it’s like to fail

I erased that word…everywhere.

One day I woke up

that thing faded

and that’s how I know, it was real.

Say what you will

Think what you want

my balance is nothing like yours.

One day I woke up

the sky was blue, and my heart was stained

so I changed that.

I know of my wall

I placed it there

I slowly built it.

Ask me again

but you’ll probably not understand

I feel, I breathe, I live, I love, I jump, I cry, I laugh

I laugh so hard

then I’m happy

and I look around

and I smile

then none of these things you fuss over

matter in my book.

I see life as a mysterious rainbow

If you did not capture when it appeared

then you probably lost that moment

perhaps, forever.

So I love hard until everything fades

and then I move on until that memory fades

and then I stare at my wall

until the next rainbow.

I’m a rainbow-catcher

so I don’t cry after it fades away

I smile for what it was.

About that wall

I know I asked you to

but don’t ask me again

yea, I love it where it is.